#5

Wendy Wendy knew for sure that Bobby existed. She knew damned well who he was. She also knew Shawn and was there for one reason. Shawn was going to bring the apocalypse, the beast in the moon egg. Bobby was going to feed it and make it strong.

Wendy Wendy was a construct, sort of a wifi pump that sent fuel to the beast so it would be ready when it woke up. The beast was about to rise. Shawn had been slowly waking it up for years and tomorrow was the day, but it had to be ready. They found Bobby easy enough. From two galaxies away they saw his gas signature and created Wendy Wendy. She would be close to him at all times. She would take in the energy from his special farts and convert it to the energy the beast needed to hatch.

And Bobby didn’t let anyone down. He could not stop farting. Wendy Wendy smiled every time she smelled his embarrassment. She grinned her evil robot grin every time she walked by a room and heard other children gagging.

The beast would be ready. The beast would be fart powered.

After years of waiting for Shawn and the beast to merge on the thought-plain, years of their connection to mature, years of waiting for the beast to hatch, the end was finally here.

#4

Yep. You heard her right. The moon cracking in half, releasing a world destroying mechaziod. Would be all my fault. I guess, I should have mentioned that, but it seemed trivial. You know what, why don’t we introduce another key character to our story. While I figure out how I’m going to get out of this mess.

Bobby’s class went wild as the speaker over the intercom announced that B.B. Burkland would win it’s third straight state championship. Thanks in no small part to┬áBobby Gail or as the kids on the wrestling team liked to call him Gail Winds. You see, Bobby at key moments during a match had a nasty habit of farting. Not just any type of fart, no these farts could clear a gymnasium. It was an embarrassing nickname, and an even worst habit, but it meant that his school would once again be state champions and he would be undefeated for the third straight year. As you know winning had it’s perks, one such perk was Wendy Wendy. The prettiest damn girl with two first names in the 11th grade and sadly she didn’t even know Bobby existed.

 

#3

Dad was oogling Madeline, thinking she was the cute twenty-something. Shawn was kind of grossed out. Why was he the only one who could see the gargoyle? He didn’t know. Maybe all women looked like this? He was ready to grow up and find out.

“WAIT!” Shawn yelled.

Everyone looked at him. Clearly he was nuts. Madeline narrowed her eyes at him. The stupid dream was real. Or something. Shawn knew suddenly that this gargoyle woman had moved in just for him to have this dream.

“You’re here for me,” Shawn said, “You’re a gargoyle and you know that tomorrow is the end of the world!”

With this declaration eyes opened and all conversation stopped. Shawn, for a brief moment, was sure he was going to pee his pants. At that moment, he wasn’t even sure that he saw a gargoyle anymore.

Shawn hoped he was dreaming. This hilarious incident would be a great, fantastic, and awesome end to his dream.

“Uh,” Dad said, “Shawn, you know Madeline, right?”

Mom’s face slowly morphed from her casual conversation mode to full annoyance.

“I should have stayed in bed,” Shawn muttered.

“Maybe,” Mom said.

“Well,” Shawn said, “I guess I’ll go watch some TV.”

Mom shook her head at him. If there was one thing in the world Mom hated, it was to be embarrassed, especially in front of strangers. She would be mortified if she knew that she was talking to a gargoyle.

“That’s a great idea,” Dad said.

Shawn turned and started toward the family room. Being a kid with a kid’s attention span, he forgot about the dream. Front and center in his mind was getting away from the gargoyle lady and maybe watching some cartoons. His path was clear, he needed to get out of the kitchen.

Then a voice from behind him said, “Actually, Shawn, you’re right.”

A cold chill went down his spine. Shawn felt different types of terror, things he didn’t even have words for. He turned. Dad was staring at what he thought was a little hottie, mom was confused and suddenly more annoyed.

Madeline rose and stared at Shawn, hands on her hips.

“It’s your fault the moon egg opens, Shawn,” Madeline said, “I’m here to get you back to your jail cube on the planet Blutex in the Arthrex dimension.”

Shawn had no idea what she was talking about. He was glad when Dad jumped up and asked her what the hell she was talking about. Mom was still annoyed but speechless. Now there were two people in the kitchen, one a hidden gargoyle, who were talking crazy.

“Now come on,” Dad said to Madeline, “You don’t have to amuse him, he’s always crazy when he’s tired. It’s best to not encourage him.”

“Oh, I’m dead serious,” Madeline said.

Shawn watched mom and dad jump as she snapped her gnarly gargoyle fingers. Immediately the toaster sprouted legs and arms and grabbed Dad by the head. When she started to run, the refrigerator stepped in Mom’s path and waved a finger at her.

“We’ll take care of this, Madeline,” the sink faucet said. “You get that boy out of here before that god damned egg hatches.”

“I’m on it, colonel,” Madeline said.

Shawn was frozen and not at all convinced he hadn’t peed his pants.

#2

“MOM!” Shawn yelled. “What’s she doing here!?” Shawn couldn’t believe that Madeleine Dawes was in his kitchen. Drinking out of his mothers favorite mug.

“Now Shawn, honey, Madeleine is new in the neighborhood and is looking for a little extra cash for the summer.” Shawn mother continued. “And your father and I haven’t been on a date night since “The Ham Burglar Incident!”

Gah! Shawn thought. The dreaded Ham Burglar Incident. That fateful night when a giant piece of ham ran amok in his neighborhood and only he could stop the rampage. He considered it one of his greatest accomplishments. Mom and especially dad didn’t see it that way. Shawn lowered his head, remembering that he wasn’t able to sit down for a week after dad finished with him.

Back to Madeleine Dawes. She moved in a few weeks back. Right away he knew something was off about her, he was never wrong about these sorta things. Then one night while walking Butch, his pet lizard, he saw her, not what everyone else saw her as, cute twenty-something girl, but as a disgusting gargoyle.

#1

A kid, a kind of bratty kid named Shawn, had a dream that the world was going to end on Wednesday the eleventh. He had the dream on Tuesday the tenth, so he was kind of bothered by it. Mostly bothered because the stupid dream seemed so real. He woke right up and thought about calling his mom, but didn’t want to look like a wimp. His dad would call him a wimp for sure. So he laid in bed and tried to forget the dream. Mom said they always fade but this wouldn’t. His dream of a giant mechanical monster that was born out of the Moon would not fade. The dream that the Moon was actually an egg, ready to hatch the beast who would destroy the world would not go away.

So Shawn, who wasn’t as bratty now that he thought the world was going to end, went out to get some Fruity Pebbles. He rubbed the little crusty things out of his eyes and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw his mom and dad talking to an eight foot tall female gargoyle, sipping coffee out of his mom’s Disney World mug.